Guilty Music Pleasures

OK, I know this isn't a good idea. At some point I will be having a music argument and somebody will have committed this blog to memory and say "Well, you like SO-AND-AND!" This is inevitable. But what the hell, here it goes anyway.

What's a guilty pleasure? I think it's best defined as something that would ruin us if our friends knew about it. Like secretly you argue about the value of The Sopranos but you watch Saved By The Bell when nobody is around, enough that you know the name of Zakk's band and Mr. Belding's favorite hobby? That sort of thing.

Music-wise, I've never really been afraid to admit I like anything, well, since the high school days that is. Anything that wasn't "metal" I deemed instantly uncool and claimed you were possibly light in the loafers or something if you dare listen to it. Truth be told though... I had my secrets. Only later did I admit to them... but only to my group of non-metal head friends. The time has come to share them. I'm sorry for anyone I've misled.

5. Bee Gees
This is sort of my Mom's fault. I had a KISS album (remember vinyl?) that was scratched and she was going to Wal-Mart, so I sent it with her for an exchange. Somehow, her and my sister come back with the album Spirits Having Flown. They said the KISS album was out of stock... but it's still fishy. So after throwing a fit, I of course listened to this album. Often. Sure, I'd heard their Saturday Night Fever stuff and had even seen the awful Sgt. Pepper remake, but this falsetto, post-disco, wimpy crap was too much to take. But take it I did. Hey, give me a break, they did make it to the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame and sold over 200 million records and had 6 straight #1 songs so it's not like I was alone here. So when Too Much Heaven, Tragedy, Stayin' Alive, How Deep Is Your Love, Jive Talkin' and Night Fever come on, not only don't I change it but I usually sing along. In falsetto. Bad falsetto. Let us never speak of this.

4. Abba
Oh boy, this one is hard to explain. Could I actually have taken a Black Sabbath album off my turntable to put on a Swedish pop group? With 2 women in the band? And 2 guys named Benny and Bjorn? Yes, I did. OK, they sold 350 million plus records, sure, but man are they completely the opposite of what I liked back then. But give me Fernando, Dancing Queen, The Winner Takes It All, Knowing Me Knowing You and of course Take A Chance On Me and I will sing until the cows not only come home, they'll come home and throw up their cud. At least these guys did record in the same studio that Led Zeppelin used for In Through The Out Door, so that's something in my favor.

3. Rick Springfield
I know he was a cheesy soap opera actor, I know the chicks all thought he was sexy, I know his songs were really written for the ladies... but damned if I didn't like Richard Lewis Springthorpe's music. I actually went to his concert in about 1984 I guess. My excuse was I took 3 women to the show and was their designated driver and all so they could have fun. I acted like I really had no interest in him and was just doing it for them. Turns out I was one of about only 100 guys in the Mid South Coliseum with about 10,000 screaming girls (I sat next to Jerry "The King" Lawler for the record). And Rick rocked. Really. HE DID! Unlike boy bands of later years, he could actually play instruments, including guitar and keyboards. He also wrote his own tunes for the most part. And yes, I said it... he rocked. Not just Jessie's Girl but other tunes too like I've Done Everything For You, Living In Oz, Love Somebody, Human Touch, Bop Til You Drop and Rock of Life all had an edge, albeit small. Sure he did the chick ballad thing too with hits like Don't Walk Away, State of the Heart, Souls and What Kind of Fool Am I, but it was always good to show a bit of a sentimental side. I have a feeling he was a rocker at heart. I'm sticking to that.

2. Styx
Pompous, progressive style arena rock was all the rage for a bit, with bands like Kansas, Triumph and Rush getting hugh. In the late 70s though, not many outdid Styx. They would make an album that was equal parts heavy and wimpy. Dennis DeYoung would do gooey songs like Babe, Lady and Don't Let It End while Tommy Shaw would blast out rockers like Renegade, Blue Collar Man and Fooling Yourself and even James Young would throw in stuff like Miss America and Snowblind. They had a lot of songs I loved and I saw them in concert several times growing up and always had fun. Yes, even the Paradise Theater and Kilroy Was Here tours, as silly as they were. I love the goofy Come Sail Away and know the words to everything from Too Much Time On My Hands to Crystal Ball to Mr. Roboto. I still think The Grand Illusion and Pieces of Eight CDs are great and I break them out a few times a year and play them in their entirety. I've followed Tommy since those days as well and have his solo works, Damn Yankees stuff and his work with Jack Blades. Hell, I even bought the last few Styx CDs. Domo arigato Mr. Roboto. Domo arigato indeed.

1. Poison
Quit laughing! Maybe the worst, greatest band ever. When pop/hair/glam metal was taking over the world, they decided to be as unthreatening as possible I guess, and I remember looking at the cover to their debut album thinking they were sort of hot. Then of course I found out it was 4 dudes. They wrote about chicks, partyin', good times and of course chicks. And partyin'. There was nothing deep going on here. Song titles reflected exactly what was happening... Talk Dirty To Me, Nothin' But A Good Time, I Want Action, I Hate Every Bone In Your Body But Mine and Shut Up Make Love. Their power ballads, which were required by every hair band, were extra-cheesy even. Songs like I Won't Forget You, Every Rose Has It's Thorn and Something To Believe In upped the ante on gag reflexes. But I ate it all up. Lyrics talked about "touching the midnight sun", doing the "unskinny bop" and "crying tough". I've seen them countless times in concert, recently even, and will see them again I'm sure.

Say what you will, but Talk Dirty To Me is featured in Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock, and there is no greater validation of a band than a slot on Guitar Hero my friends. Bret Michaels is even a character (with the right cheat code). The band At The Drive-In got their name from Talk Dirty To Me. Children of Bodom covered it. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey features Bill and Ted performing the chorus of Every Rose to prove that they're worthy of entry into heaven. Tell me now Poison didn't matter!

My street creed is offically dead. R.I.P.