TOKYO -- Japanese are staying cool as a cucumber this summer with Pepsi Ice Cucumber -- a new soda based on the crisp green gourd. The soft drink, which hit stores here Tuesday, doesn't actually have any cucumber in it -- but has been artificially flavoured to resemble "the refreshing taste of a fresh cucumber," said Aya Takemoto, spokesperson of Japan's Pepsi distributor, Suntory Ltd. "We wanted a flavour that makes people think of keeping cool in the summer heat," Takemoto said. "We thought the cucumber was just perfect."
OK, first, "the refreshing taste of a cucumber"? Does that really make anyone at all think of keeping cool in the summer heat? It makes me think of what they probably serve in hell. At no point in my life have I finished mowing the lawn on a hot summer day and said, "whew! I'm parched! Honey, fetch me some cucumber juice or anything with artificially flavored cucumber in it!"
In all fairness, no I haven't tasted it. But I haven't tasted kitten barf either (and don't plan on it). Let's just say that I'm safe to assume Pepsi Ice Cucumber tastes a lot like failure. With a shot of gag-a-maggot on the side.
Makes me wonder what those marketing geniuses might have left on the drawing board. Turkey and Gravy Pepsi? Fruitcake Mountain Dew? Vinegar Diet Pepsi? Pepsi Bismol? Chalk Pepsi?
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