I dug up some older David Letterman Top 10s for the Easter Bunny, because I loves me some Dave and also, well... it's Easter this weekend. Duh. Some of the jokes may be dated but what the heck. You will laugh!
Top Ten Easter Bunny Pick-Up Lines
10. There's a easter parade in my pants...wanna go?
9. Ever done it on a pile of artificial grass?
8. I'll show you where easter eggs come from -- you may be surprised!
7. You're not Jewish, are you?
6. I contributed some fur to Letterman's hairpiece
5. I'm being managed by Don King again
4. I live in a hutch filled with vibrating cedar chips
3. Ever get it on with a rodent?
2. My foot isn't the only part of me that's lucky
1. I'm in the mood to multiply
Top Ten Signs You've Hired A Bad Easter Bunny
10. Shows up wearing the costume head and nothing else.
9. Reeks of tequila and Easter egg dye.
8. Immediately asks if he can have Easter off.
7. Refuses to hop because it aggravates his double hernia.
6. For an extra 20 bucks, parents can buy an ounce of his special "Easter grass".
5. Only gives the kids candy after they attend his presentation on the time-share condos.
4. Keeps muttering something about "infidels" and "jihad".
3. Costume is made from animal skin he scraped off the interstate.
2. Habitually licks and grooms himself.
1. The enormous ears? Steroids.
(Another) Top Ten Signs You've Hired A Bad Easter Bunny
10. Costume is made from rabbits he hit on the interstate
9. Not really a hop -- more of a drug impaired stumble
8. Before kids get candy they have to sit through a presentation about timeshare condos
7. Keeps saying, "Jesus? No doesn't ring a bell..."
6. He's been wearing the suit since November
5. Easter basket is filled with menthol cigarettes
4. Hides five eggs and the body of a drifter
3. He's wearing a yarmulke
2. Tells you for an extra thousand bucks he won't rat you out to the New York Post
1. He disappears for hours with Whitney Houston
Top Ten Easter Bunny Pet Peeves
10. Constantly having to bail your brother, the Trix rabbit, out of the drunk tank
9. You always spend the day after Easter plucking the buckshot out of your tail
8. It's tough to get dates when you smell "eggy"
7. Make one little mistake, and they turn your feet into keychains
6. When people see you hopping around with a basket, they automatically assume you're gay
5. Ass
4. Having to work the other 364 days as a fry-cook at Denny's
3. Jewish kids and their "hilarious" firecrackers
2. News flash to all you wacky dads out there: you're not the first to come up with "Show me the bunny"
1. Two words: rat traps
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